Happy long weekend to all of America. This holiday we not only celebrate those who graced the Oval Office, but Chinese New Year as well. It's the year of the boar, btw. So to all you non-Chinese out there who will be microwaving hot pockets and pop tarts while we're feasting on crab and shark fin soup, tough luck. Chinese New Year is also the holiday of the famous red envelope (with our favorite presidents inside, no less. Except Ben). This brings up the question: How old is too old for uncles and aunts to give cash out as a gift? I say 18. Once you become an adult, there's no reason to still be receiving cash for anything that you haven't worked for. It's just a little awkward. Invest the money in a shirt or some other gift. I know it's tradition to receive red envelopes until you're married, but this is America, and we can all adapt, right?

This week's The Office was much better than the disappointing Phylis' Wedding of last week. I have to say though, I'm starting to really feel sorry for Pam. Is she not the most pityable character on TV right now? She can't express her feelings for Jim, and she just crawls back to Roy, who she doesn't even want to be with. Roy, btw, is just as awful as ever. Poor Pam. One more thing: Oscar and his gay boyfriend were such stereotypical gay art snobs. I found that kinda funny. Who knew gay people liked art and were snobby?

I've been reading a book called The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith lately. It follows the Bulls in their first of six championship seasons. It's really unbelievable how dysfunctional a team they were, yet they were able to put it together on the court and win a championship. Jordan was such an asshole to people behind the scenes. It's amazing more hasn't been said on this. I guess that's what happens when you win. People can toss the meanness to the side when you bring home six rings. That's why nobody cared or thought bad of Jordan when he made Kwame Brown cry by calling him a vagina, and thus killing his confidence and any chance he may have had of being a productive NBA player.

This arouses thoughts of Kobe Bryant, who is the most comparable player to Jordan in today's game. But Kobe is hated about 31948172849 times more than Jordan ever was. I think this is completely unfair. You have to realize, Kobe was just a kid when he came into the league. 18 years old. People called him an aloof and unsociable. Well, what do you expect him to do when most of his teammates are going to strip clubs every night that he can't even get into? When you get down to the nitty gritty of it all, people hate Kobe for three reasons:

1) They love Shaq
2) His so called "selfish" play
3) The whole rape thing

None of these are reasonable for the overwhelming disdain directed at Kobe. Kobe and Shaq won three rings together. THREE DAMN RINGS. Do you realize how many great players have won less than that? That's an amazing accomplishment. The two may have had their differences, but on the court they were great. There's no need to have to pick sides, especially these days when the feud is far in the past. And how can people call him selfish? He won three rings! Kobe was not selfish during those championship seasons. If he were, the Lakers wouldn't have been so successful. And after Shaq left, he had no choice but to shoot more. He was playing with a bunch of scrubs who didn't know how to play basketball. He had no choice but to jack it up 30 times a night. Now, as his teammates are becoming more respectable, he's starting to share the ball more and doesn't have to average 35 a night like he used to. And what do you know? The Lakers are winning. Would that all come from a selfish leader? I think not. Finally, the whole rape thing was ridiculous. Everyone knows the girl was a total slut and probably wanted every bit of what she got. They found other mens' semen on her underwear for Pete's sake! Even sluts wash their underwear every now and then. This girl was one filthy ho. The whole trial was simply an attempt to extract money from a rich NBA player, and she should be ashamed. Which brings me to today's lesson: If you're an NBA player, wear a condom at all times. Even during the day when you're just walking around.

So give Kobe a damn break. Cuz we sure gave one to MJ.