August finally comes to an end and for the Dodgers, you couldn't have asked for a better month. They tied a franchise record with 21 wins and now sit 3 games up in the division. Now let's just hope Ned Colletti doesn't do something stupid like trade for David Wells.

The Dodgers have absolutely owned the Reds this year, and proved it again last night, winning 7-3 and completing the sweep. Greg Maddux had another fantastic start in winning his 330th career game to move into 10th place on the all-time list. At first, I'll admit I was skeptical about what an 89 year old pitcher could bring to the team, but he's been nothing short of brilliant so far. Even if his stuff isn't what it used to be, he still gets by nibbling the corners with his garbage with pinpoint accuracy. And even if his pitches have fallen off a bit, the other aspects of his game still remain in tip-top shape. He had two RBI's last night, one on a single to center and another on a squeeze play. He also continues to dazzle with the glove, particularly on one play where Nomar knocked down a screamer and shoveled it to Maddux, who was running over to cover. Regarding Nomar, I've never seen a man shovel the ball so hard in my life. Thank goodness he didn't get hurt on that play. We even broke out of our power funk last night. Wilson Betemit, Olmedo Saenz, and Rafael Furcal all hit home runs in the same inning, yet we're still last in the league in dingers.

With an off day today, the Dodgers resume play tomorrow against the Rockies. Tomorrows date: September 1st. You know what that means ... September call-ups! The long awaited returns of Matt Kemp, James Loney and Hong-Chi Kuo will finally happen tomorrow! Wait, what was that? You're not excited to see them at all? Oh. Ok. Me neither.

Two nights ago I had a dream that the Dodgers had completely collapsed and fell to 4 games out of 1st. It was scary. That's what happens when you get swept by the Padres, then lose a 15 inning nail biter to Arizona. It puts fear into your head and lets the thoughts fester in your dreams. Thankfully, we were able to take the last two in Arizona and escaped with a 2 game lead in the division. Escaped. The exact word that describes how I feel about the team right now. Chad Billingsley looks like he's finally learned how to throw strikes, but Derek Lowe is hurt and Brad Penny, tonight's starter, doesn't seem to be able to stop yelling at people this season. Somehow, we stayed afloat in that road trip and went 4-5.

Now we head back for a 6 game homestand against the Reds and the Rockies. Things feel a lot safer at home, where we've been dominant this season. But if the Dodgers want to win this division, they're gonna need to become a better road team. Half of their remaining 32 games are on the road, where they're 7 games under .500 this year. And, we still have two four game series remaining with the two teams you least want to have a 4 game series with: the Mets and the Padres. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta dominate the rest of the league to give us some breathing room for those two series. Because it's entirely possible that we'll be completely shellacked during those games.

Yesterday I alluded to the likely possibility that the Dodgers would get swept, and what do you know? It happened. Yet, I'll give them credit, they didn't go down without a fight. Well, with the umpires at least. All the wheels on the wagon fell off yesterday as three Dodgers were ejected from the game and they lost 7-2. The lead is now down to one game heading into Arizona.

The umpiring in this game was absolutely terrible. There's no excuse for it. First, Julio Lugo grounded out to end the 4th inning. Upset at himself for grounding out, he slammed his helmet on the ground with his head down, muttering to himself. The first base umpire Chris Guccione called Lugo out, turned around, did a little strut that most umpires do to because they think they're bad ass, then turned around in time to see him slam the helmet. Now, it was obvious from the tape that Lugo was not angry about the call, rather only at himself. But paranoid Guccione couldn't give him the benefit of the doubt without even seeing the full reaction, and tossed him from the game. What a douchebag.

Then the very next inning Grady Little came out to talk to Brad Penny, who had gotten himself in a jam by walking Adrian Gonzalez with a very close 3-2 fastball. The infield convened, and Jeff Kent, unable to keep his head buried in his motorcross magazine, told Russell Martin that the last pitch was a strike. Of course, home plate umpire Rick Reed overheard and started jawing at Kent. Little turned and walked two steps off the mound to try to calm Reed down, then went back to talk to his pitcher on the mound. At which point Padres manager Bruce Bochy had a hissy fit and, like the bitch he is, argued that Little had made two mound visits, which would automatically force Penny to come out of the game. The umpires, bamboozled by all that was going on, met about it for a few minutes, and then told Little that yeah, he had made two mound visits. Little, who was obviously upset at how petty Bochy was being and the incompetence of the umpiring, argued and was tossed. Then Reed, still unsure of what to do thought to himself:
"Oh shit, I don't know what to do! Do I have to take Penny out, or not? I can't make this kind of decision, I'm just a retarded umpire. Hey! I know! If I can get Penny to get himself ejected, my decision will be made for me!"
So, that's just what he did. Reed went up to the mound, purposefully said some things to Penny which got him pissed and eventually ejected. Idiot.

Vin Scully announced during the game that the MLB head of umpiring was actually there watching the game. If these umpires aren't reprimanded in some way for their shittiness, then it will truly be a shame on the integrity of MLB umpires.

The Padres own the Dodgers. It hurts to say it, but it's true. My entire lifetime, it feels like the Padres have just been eating us up, and Vin Scully confirmed it last night with this startling stat: Since 1982, the Dodgers are 26 games under .500 against San Diego. This season alone we're 3-10 against them. It's very puzzling how we can be so bad against a team so mediocre. Last night was simply dreadful. The Dodgers' offense got absolutely nothing going against Jake Peavy and wasted a good start by Mark Hendrickson. Yes, that's right, Hendrickson made a quality start. You've gotta take advantage of something like that, because it doesn't happen often. Hoffman came in again in the 9th again to save it, his 54th in 56 chances lifetime vs. LA. What a bitch.

Coming into this series I was glad to see we were 4 full games up, so that if the worst possible scenario happened and we got swept, we'd still be in first place heading into Arizona. Well now it looks like that scenario might come to fruition. I thought Padres were supposed to be nonviolent men of God like Father Serra, gently spreading the Lord's word all throughout California. Instead, against the Dodgers, they're more like Hernan Cortez, ruthlessly slaughtering the Aztecs. We'll have to hope Brad Penny can stop the blood pouring from the gaping wound the Padres have made.

A few years ago the knock on the Giants was that they were a two man team. That was when Jason Schmidt was dominating the league as a Cy Young contender and Barry Bonds was taking walks and hitting home runs left and right. These days, Schmidt's still pitching well and Juiceman is taking walks and ... well, that's about it. So what does that make these Giants? A one man team? A half man team? How about just a shitty team? That'll do. They're just shitty.

The Dodgers beat them again today to take 2 of 3 in the series. The one loss came on Friday when Schmidt was dominant. Today, Derek Lowe made the Giant hitters look foolish through 8 innings as the Dodgers won 5-2. Nomar and J.D. Drew, remembering to eat their spinnach this morning, both blasted 2-run homers and even D-Lowe had 2 hits and an RBI. Things got scary though in the bottom of the ninth. Lowe tried to go out there for one last inning and finish the game, and he just might have, except Jeff Kent let a surefire double play ball roll right under his baby-maker. That error put two on with 0 outs, prompting D-Lowe to give up a single and a walk to make it 5-1 with nobody out and the bases loaded. Then Saito came in and struck out the side to end it, walking a pinch-hitting Juiceman for the another run in the process.

I'll have to admit. At the end there, I was still scared when Bonds came in to hit. Even with a bad back and two bad knees, he was still a scary figure, and I don't mind Saito walking him there. After all, he is still the Giants' best player. Which just goes to show how shitty the other Giants really are. Next up on the Dodgers' guillotine: mmmmm drink it innnn. San Diaaaago.

Since the Dodgers have an off day tomorrow, I need something else to write about while I'm bored here at work. Well, I've never done a rankings list here in this blog. Here goes nothin!

Nobody in America thinks anyone in the National League has a shot at winning the World Series this year. How can virtually every sportswriter in the nation write off the entire NL without so much as a second thought? Sure, the AL raped them in interleague play and won the All-Star game, but we were leading that game until Hoffman came in and blew it (of course he did, but he'll never blow one against the Dodgers). People need to remember that in the playoffs, anything can happen. In a five game series, even the Devil Rays have an 18% chance of beating the Yankees (Moneyball says so, if I remember correctly).

In my view, there are two National League teams that actually have a chance at winning it all this year, should they get that far (it's an easy guess). So let's review the entire NL. I've ranked the teams going into the stretch run from bottom to top. Here we go:

16. Pittsburgh Pirates
Poor Jim Tracy. After getting canned by cheap-ass Frank McCourt and nerd-ass Paul DePodesta, Trace thought he was gonna get a fresh start in Pittsburgh. Going into the season, the club looked promising. The Pirates had a good crop of young talent: Jason Bay, a slick middle infield duo of Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo, and some young pitching (Zach Duke, Oliver Perez) that had shown flashes in the past. Instead, the Pirates are a train wreck. Tracy has in no way been able to put anything together, and how can you really expect him to when old lard-asses like Jeromy Burnitz and Joe Randa are on the payroll? The pitching has been god-awful, with Perez, the expected staff ace traded away midseason because of his crappiness. This looks like a dead-in-the-water franchise with no hope of rescue anytime soon. Two good things have come out of this season however. The emergence of Mike Gonzalez, and Pittsburgh's discovery of the Jim Tracy self-interview.

"Has the season been going well so far? I don't think you can quantify that in wins and losses. Have we shown day-to-day improvement for our young guys? I can't say the answer to that is no."

Atta boy Jim, way to do the reporter's job for him. Oh how we miss you in LA.

15. Chicago Cubs
What can you say? They're the Cubs. Once full of potential, Dusty Baker has made it his mission that Kerry Wood and Mark Prior will have to amputate their arms by next season due to inflated pitch counts. Once Derek Lee went down, it was all over with. 98 years is a long time to not win a World Series, and it doesn't look like that drought will end anytime soon. You almost feel sorry for them. They seriously need to overhaul the pitching and coaching staff. The sooner the better.

14. Washington Nationals
What a douchebag Jim Bowden is. He doesn't trade Alfonso Soriano at the deadline, but does trade Gary Majewski for Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez, an absolute steal. The Reds got hosed, even if Majewski was healthy, which he isn't. This has made Cincinnati angry, and understandably so. Bowden withheld prior arm trouble issues during the deal, and now Majewski's been shelved. Complete and utter Bush League move by Bowden. You'd think a Major League GM would have more integrity than that. It serves them right that they're in the NL East cellar.

13. Florida Marlins
Their payroll stands at $16 million. The Yankees have eight players making more than that per year. And yet, they're only 9 games below .500 when everyone thought they'd lose 100 games. You've gotta love the job Joe Girardi has done, even putting his job on the line to keep his boss in check. Marlins owner Jeffery Loria was heckling the home plate ump during their recent sweep by the Dodgers when Girardi told him to shut up, prompting Loria to ready a press conference to announce Girardi's firing. Then he wisely realized he was being a dumbass. Note to all pro sports owners: Just sit there and watch. Don't yell at the umps like a drunk fan and jeopardize your team's chances. Look at Mark Cuban. Is it any coincidence Dwayne Wade got fouled every time he touched the ball in the finals? I think not.

They will be a good team in the future, once all their kids grow up. Then they'll sell them all off to the Yanks and Sox and start the whole thing over again.

12. San Francisco Giants
HAH! The jerkwads. Serves them right. Orange and black assholes deserve to be in last place. They've put all their eggs into the Juiceman basket this season, only to realize the Juiceman isn't good enough anymore to carry the team by himself. They have an outfield with an average age of 143, and their entire bullpen enjoys throwing BP in the late innings. They'll need to do a major revamp this offseason, starting with forgetting Juicer #25. He'll either retire or end up with the Angels, where Dodger fans can hate him even more.

11. Atlanta Braves
It was great while it lasted, but the 14 year reign of Brave supremacy in the NL East is over. All is not lost for them however. They've still got a good mix of veterans and young guys in the lineup, although I was never a big Jeff Francouer fan with his 4 walks per season. Their pitching is their problem. Never thought youda said that about a Braves team would ya? With Smoltz getting old and Hudson no longer an ace, they need to revamp that starting staff. And you know the bullpen can't be good when you're running Danys Baez out there every night. Though with the braintrust of John Scheurholz and Bobby Cox on the payroll, I have a feeling it wont be long before they have this team back on top.

10. Milwaukee Brewers
At the beginning of the season everyone dubbed them the sleeper team to watch out for this season. The only thing Brewer-related I've been watching is Chorizo-gate. They've got some nice young players, but who really cares? It's the Brewers. I've never viewed them as half decent since Shawn Green went off on them a few years back. Really? You let Shawn Green hit 1.200 against you with 50 HR and an OPS of 5.000? How can anyone take them seriously after that? EVEN SO! .... the sausage racers are the best mascots in the league. BRING BACK THE CHORIZO!

9. Colorado Rockies
That humidor is really working. Coors Field went from being a hitter's heaven to a Petco Park in the span of one season. If they're not drenching the balls there, then I don't know what's happening. That's the only feasible explanation. As it is, the team is showing signs of improvement. They've got some good young players in Garrett Atkins (UCLA alum), Matt Holliday, and Jeff Francis. But the Dodgers' youngsters are better. It's hard to see them winning the division anytime soon. Their pitching is never good enough, even with the soaked balls. That doesn't sound right.

By the way, has there been a guy with a more sudden inexplicable loss in power that just so happened to coincide with the MLB commencing steroid testing but somehow nobody mentions anything - more so than Todd Helton? Can you say Juiceman?

8. Philadelphia Phillies
I've never taken the Phillies seriously. How can you? They're always stuck in mediocrity, even more so than the Dodgers. You know their lineup has some pop even without Bobby Abreu, with Rollins, Utley, Howard and Burrell making the core. But their pitching has not been up to par, and has never been since they let Curt Schilling go. Utley (UCLA alum) and Howard are great, but you get the feeling they'll be in the middle of the pack forever.

7. Houston Astros
Outside of mighty Lance, this team can't hit for shit. It serves Roger Clemens right that they never score any runs for him. No player in the league acts as much above everybody else on his team as the Rocket. Not even Bonds. First he waits until halfway through the season to decide to play again (time when he could have been pitching, maybe putting the Astros higher up in the standings). Roger doesn't go on road trips where he isn't scheduled to start. Roger shows up to the ballpark whenever he feels like it. He basically goes in once every fifth day, pitches, and ditches the team until he starts again. What kind of teammate does that? I don't care how great your career has been, you don't act above other guys on the team. It's a recipe for disaster, and zero run support is what he deserves.

And poor Brad Lidge. Has any closer ever been so dominant, and then so terrible so quickly? He must wake up in a cold sweat every morning as shadows of Albert Pujols circle the room. That home run will haunt him for the rest of his life. Sad.

6. Arizona Diamondbacks
They've managed to stay alive so far with Brandon Webb, a decent bullpen, and a bunch of average hitters. But their young guys just aren't good enough to push them into the playoffs. I don't know what else to say about them. I don't know if there is anything else. They're a boring team. Although Stephen Drew has already had a stretch where he played 7 straight games, shattering the family record.

5. San Diego Padres
I still don't know how they win. They have no stars. Their most recognizable player is a 97 year old closer who throws in the 80's. I just don't know how they do it. The Padres have a bunch of decent guys and I guess it all ads up to them being decent enough to stay in contention. But the problem with that is: No stars = no greatness. They won't be able to go anywhere in the postseason, if they get there that is. Which they probably won't now that the Dodgers are owning up the league.

Brian Giles, btw, is another "coincidental unexplained power loss with steroid testing" guy. Other guys include, but are not limited to: Mike Lowell, Bret Boone, Sammy Sosa (obvious), and Kevin Millar. I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. If you can come up with one, leave a comment please.

4. Cincinnati Reds
Now we're getting to the teams that would be in the playoffs if the playoffs started today. The fact that one of them is Cincinnati befuddles me a bit. The Reds have never been good as long as I can remember (and I'm not old enough to remember or appreciate their 1990 WS win). For the last few years they've been a Colorado-like team: all bats and no arms. Granted, their pitching has improved a bit (Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo are actually decent). And they whack the ball out of that joke ballpark they have. But still, the Reds? It's not as much of a shock as if the Devil Rays made the playoffs, but I'm just not sold on them. If they do hang onto the wildcard, they'll be ousted in the first round of the playoffs by any of the other three teams.

Though it is good to see Griffey back healthy and doing so well. This guy was a surefire first ballot Hall of Famer even if he had never played a game after his first big injury. We're talking about hands down the greatest hitter in the 90's here. Hopefully he gets a few more healthy years in. I have to mention Adam Dunn too. A dead ringer for Will Ferrell, this guy never gets the credit he deserves because he strikes out 800 times a season and bats .250. But every year you can book him for 40 homers, 100 RBI's, and an OPS above .900. If he continues doing this for the rest of his career and ends up with over 600 HR's, would he make the Hall of Fame? It's an interesting question...

3. St. Louis Cardinals
What happened to these guys? In seasons past, this was the most feared lineup in the league, with Walker, Pujols, Edmonds and Rolen making up its core. Well, Walker's retired, Pujols is still Pujols, Edmonds is on the decline and Rolen is always hurt. Their pitching, outside of Chris Carpenter, has been dreadful. Anytime you have to sign Jeff Weaver to help bolster your staff, it's not a good sign. Yet they manage to stay in the division lead over a dreadful NL Central; barely. They should be walking all over this division, yet they're only 1.5 games up. It just goes to show how far they've fallen since being swept by the Red Sox in 2004.

Even so, I must mention that they are in fact 7-0 against the Dodgers this season, all of which coming in that dismal 1-13 post-All-Stark-break stretch. Here's to hoping we avoid them in the playoffs.

2. Los Angeles Dodgers
Ah, finally to my beloved Dodgers. Even though they got shelled yesterday, they still have won 17 of their last 19 and remain the hottest team in either league. If they can keep it up and win the division, I like their chances in the playoffs. The Dodgers are in a virtual tie with St. Louis for the second best record in the National League. If they can finish the season with a better record than the Cards, we'll have home field advantage over them in the playoffs, which will certainly help considering the aforementioned 0-7 record.

Once they get to the postseason, the Dodgers can throw 3 experienced pitchers at you, all with WS rings in Penny, Lowe, and Maddux. Then you can go to Billingsley for a 4th game if needed (hoping his control's there) and avoid the weak spots in the staff (Sele and Hendrickson). The bullpen has been fantastic lately. The lineup, albeit devoid of any power whatsoever, is still one of those menacing "They-just-keep-coming" orders, without a weak hitter in the bunch. There's about a month and a half left in the season. If we can hold off Arizona and San Diego, we've got a good shot. Remember, in the playoffs, anything can happen.

1. New York Mets
It seems to be a consensus that the mighty Mets are going to bowl over the rest of the NL on their way to the World Series. Not so fast I say. The Mets have some problems that make them very vulnerable. If Pedro's out, their playoff rotation looks like Glavine, Trachsel, El Duque. Not very intimidating at all. Pedro needs to be healthy and dominant if the Mets are going to win.

The most important thing working against them: karma. The whole Lo Duca-gate is a terrible burden on him and the team. If you haven't heard, Pauly is a raging gambler (but not on baseball he says) and has numerous debts to pay to his bookies. In addition to that, he and his wife are going through a bitter divorce at the moment. Now, if you haven't seen his wife, let it be known. Sonia Lo Duca is a sizzling hot former Playboy model. The reason for their divorce? Infidelity. She caught him cheating on her. How can you cheat on a woman that hot? I just don't understand it. What an asshole. The Mets can't win now. It's karma.

Now I have to bring it up that the last time the Mets were dominant was in 1988. The Mets were the NL powerhouse with Doc Gooden, Darryl Strawberry (pre coke), David Cone, and a slew of crafty veterans. That year, the Mets faced the Dodgers in the NLCS. The Dodgers had a mystical season, with Hershiser's record, Gibson's MVP, and a division championship with one of the weakest lineups ever. Still, nobody picked them to beat the Mets, but they did. They went on to the World Series against the A's where Gibson happened. Can it happen again this year? I can imagine it now... "Nomar Garciaparra, injured, will not play in tonight's World Series game." ... Scully: "It's the bottom of the ninth, with two out, Furcal on first ... And look who's coming up! ... Nomar Garciaparra, on two bad legs ... boy, you talk about a roll of the dice; this is it! ... High drive to deep left field! She is gone! and the Dodgers win it!"

Hey, a fan can dream right?

17 out of the last 18. That's how many games the Dodgers have now won. That's a franchise best, people. They haven't had a stretch this good since 1899, when Kenny Lofton was 19 years old, and the Dodgers were not the Dodgers, but rather the "Superbas". WTF kind of a name is that? Thank god someone had the sense to change it.

Also changed tonight was Chad Billingsley's control. In 7 shutout innings he walked only one and struck out 9, a complete 180 from what he's been doing so far this season. Before this start, he'd walked 47 in 61.1 IP, including 6 in his last start alone. That wasn't gonna get it done. There was some grumbling in the media that the kid might lose his spot in the rotation if he didn't start throwing strikes. Well, this guarantees we keep sending him out there every fifth day. I mean, would you rather have Aaron Sele going out there? I sure as hell wouldn't. The Dodgers kept him fresh for his seldom used long relief role by letting him toss the 9th tonight, where he finished the game in 7 pitches.

The Dodgers keep getting superb pitching, clutch hitting, and flawless defense and they keep winning. We now have a 3.5 game lead in the NL West, and get ready for the stretch run of September. After tomorrow's finale with the Fish, we go on a 9 game road-trip agains the Giants, Padres and D-Backs. That'll be an important one, as we'll find out if the Dodgers can hold their division lead on the road, where they're 6 games under .500. But as of right now, it doens't look like anything can stop the Dodgers.

What a great game today! Greg Maddux and Jason Schmidt had maybe the greatest pitching duel of the year, with each going eight shutout innings. Schmidt had 9 K's and Maddux only threw 68 pitches, the least for a starting pitcher through 8 this season. In the bottom of the tenth, Russel Martin hit a walk-off homer on the second pitch he saw from Vinnie Chulk (who?) to give the Dodgers the 1-0 victory, proving once again that the Giants pick their relievers out of the California Penal League.

This is the first time the Dodgers have swept the Giants at home since 1989. Nothing is better than seeing sorry ass Giants fans walk out of the stadium decked out in their Juiceman jerseys with their heads staring at the cracks in the cement; all while Dodger fans are booing them and yelling "SWEEEEEEP" as they walk by. That's what they get. Nothing pisses me off more than young idiot male Giants fans coming into Dodger Stadium and relishing all the boos they get by prancing around like faggots and spreading their arms saying "What? What?" Idiots. Like they really want to get into a fight with the 6'3" 260 lb Dodger fan from the I.E. named Armando. There's always at least one Armando-type sitting in every section, ready to beat the shit out of over-proud dumbass norcal boys until security regrettably comes over to make sure they get to their seats without being pounded.

So now that we've won 15 of 16 and have a 1.5 game cushion for the division lead, the Marlins come to town for another beat down like the one we gave them last week. D-Lowe goes against the D-Train in the first game. Here's to hoping he can stop banging Carolyn Hughes long enough to pitch a good game.

10 in a row! Can you believe it? Brad Penny whipped the Rockies like they were his little bitches tonight as the Dodgers rolled to a 7-2 victory. Jeff Kent came off the DL and stopped reading his motorcross magazines long enough to homer and drive in three runs. This is easily the longest winning streak the Dodgers have had all year. They've now beat Colorado 9 out of 11 times this season and look to continue their streak tomorrow at Dodger Stadium, where they're 8 games above .500.

I still can't get over 10 wins in a row. The last time any of the Dodgers did 10 of anything in a row it was Olmedo Saenz eating 10 Dodger Dogs laid out in a row, or Derek Lowe screwing a sports reporter 10 nights in a row, or going way back when Darryl Strawberry did 10 lines of coke in a row, or, well, that's enough. It's such a complete turnaround from the 1-13 start I keep having to mention because of how shitty it truly was.

We're now tied for the lead in the Wild Card and only 1.5 back of the Padres for the division lead. I, for one, hope the Dodgers can keep up their winning ways until we play them in two weeks. Then we'll show em who really owns the NL West. Saan Diiiego. Mmmmmm. Drink it in. No matter how you take it it always goes down smooth. Well we will drink it in. Right before we shove it up the Padres' asses.

Back to back to bizzak! Threepeat Babeeeeeyyy! Ok, well almost. The Dodgers won their ninth straight today, completing their sweep of the Florida Marlins. That's now three straight series sweeps of the Nats, Reds, and the Fish to push them one game over .500 and back into the thick of the wild-card and division race. With the next 10 games at home and Kent and Nomar close to returning, things are looking up for the Dodgers. Our offense seems to be coming around and the pitching has been dominant. Rafael Furcal is finally earning his absurd money and Wilson Betemit looks like a real quality pickup. If the pitching staff can hold up, we can actually make the playoffs! Who woulda thought I'd be saying that after the Dodgers pooped their way to a 1-13 post-break record? They are now the hottest team in baseball, and it's good to see them doing well. Even if it does mean hearing Charlie Steiner utter the phrase "Well, when you're hot, you're hot" 7 million times over the last two telecasts.

Now come the real important games: 4 with Colorado and 3 with SF before the Marlins come back for another ass-whoopin. We must pound the NL West competition and crush any hope those two teams have left of making the postseason. If the Padres didn't play the Nationals so damn much, maybe we'd be in 1st already. It's time for the Dodgers to keep it up now. We can't afford to start stumbling again. The playoffs are calling.

Sidenote: Call me stupid, but I'd never noticed how phallic Randy Johnson's nickname is until recently. The Big Unit? Is there a more inappropriate nickname in all of sports? If there is, please let me know. How did Randy pick up that nickname? Is it because his last name is Johnson? Does he really have a big unit? He must, he's something like 6' 10". And how have people not made fun of him for this relentlessly over his career? He definately deserves to be ridiculed for "The Big Unit," especially now that he's old and he sucks.

Goodness gracious, where to begin? Let's start at What the bloody hell is Ned Colletti thinking? First we'll take a look at the lesser of two evils: The Maddux deal. The Dodgers trade Cesar Izturis to the Cubs and get Greg Maddux in return, a 327 game winner, a 4 time Cy Young award winner, a surefire first ballot hall of famer, a 40-year-old geezer. Maddux was great, but the keyword is was. He is like the Toronto Raptors Hakeem or the Boston Celtics Bill Walton. At this point in his career his skills have waned and he is nothing more than a mediocre back of the rotation starter. And what did we give up for him? A 26 year old Gold-Glove winning shortstop and a Dodger fan favorite. And for what? An old pitcher who might not even be back next year. Will we look back on this trade in the offseason and think we got the better end of the deal if Maddux turns out to only be a 2 month rental? The answer is: Only if we win the World Series. And I have a better chance of nailing Paris Hilton before that happens (But don't we all?).

Now to the other deal. The Dodgers give prized prospect Joel Guzman to the Devil Rays in exchange for Julio Lugo. In his roughly 8 months as general manager of the Dodgers, Ned Colletti has made three trades with the Devil Rays. Three. We took Danys Baez, Lance Carter, Mark Hendrickson, Toby Hall, and Lugo from the D-Rays. Correct me if I'm wrong, but whenever you're consistently bringing in Devil Rays to help your ballclub, it's not a good sign. Baez and Carter aren't even playing for the Dodgers anymore, which goes to show how shitty these guys really are. It's as if Colletti has a fixation with shittiness. Why is this the worst of the two deals? Because as awful as the Maddux deal was, you could maybe understand a little since we do desperately need starting pitching and the infield was overcrowded, so trading Izturis uncrowds the infield. But turning around and getting Lugo right away crowds it right back up. So now he'll play second base for a week or so until Jeff Kent gets back. Then what? He'll have no place to play. And it's virtually guaranteed he wont be back next season after hearing his agent say after the season "he's going to go back to playing shortstop." Which means he wont be with the Dodgers with Rafael Furcal's $39 million already at that position (another Colletti blunder).

So we give up Joel Guzman to get Lugo for two months. Granted, if we were going to trade away any of the young guys, I would have picked Guzman to go. A couple months ago when this guy was called up, he struggled. When he got sent back down, he was asked by a reporter how he would respond to being sent down and said "I have nothing to say." He was clearly jealous of the success his fellow rookies like Andre ether and Russell Martin are having, and instead of trying to make the most of his opportunity, he just pouted in the dugout over a lack of playing time. Now, of course, he'll go on to become a star in Tampa Bay, and then the Yankees will then pluck him for big bucks, so the whole country can hate him as Dodger fans do now.

With the deadline now over with, the Dodgers can now put their heads down and charge towards San Diego's 5 game lead, which, in my opinion, they won't catch. They're still no less done than they were a week ago. If I had to give Ned Colletti a grade for the trade deadline deals, he would get an F. And F stands for "You Fucked Up, Sir."