I guess Ryan Howard won the Home-Run Derby today. Does anybody care anymore? The state of this event has waned constantly over the years, to the point now where it's just something where the Baseball Tonight Crew can get together and make lame jokes. If Joe Morgan botches "Big Papi" one more time, I'm gonna blow an artery. What happened to the good old days when the Derby meant something? When guys like Hammerin' Hank and the other top home run hitters of the time actually participated. The problem with pre-AllStar gimmicks like this these days isn't poor marketing or any fault of the league. It's that none of the best stars ever want to get off their asses and participate. Guys in the Derby should be the perennial 40-homer guys whose big, hulking, I-could-hit-the-blimp-with-any-swing, I'm-either-on-the-juice-or-eat-5-lbs.-of-steak-every-day, bodies make opposing pitchers piss themselves.

Miguel Cabrera? David Wright? Miguel Tejada? All great players, but not a single one of them gives off the "Of course I can hit home runs! Look at me, I'm fucking huge!" vibe. Chances are none of them will hit 40 homers this year either. My picks for a truly credible and entertaining Home Run Derby are:
American League: Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Jim Thome, Alex Rodriguez
National League: Albert Pujols, Adam Dunn, Ryan Howard, Andruw Jones
These guys are the creme of the crop. The best mashers in the game today. Jones is the only guy who doesn't fit the bill of being a perennial 40 homer guy, but he hit 50 last year, and is on pace for 39 this year. So with the dearth of other NL bombers, he gets that last spot. One problem with this list is that only All-Stars are eligible for the Home-Run Derby, so Dunn would have to raise his average above .150 and maybe he'd have a shot. But this would be by far the most enthralling group to ever hit in the Derby. Too bad most of them decline to participate.

The same thing is wrong with the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. How great would it be to actually have the best high flyers in the league all participate? A Slam Dunk Contest featuring LeBron, Kobe, Vince, and J-Rich would absolutely restore all credibility to this defunct event. Instead, we get Birdman and Nate Robinson failing 84 times before they make their dunks, at which point the audience applauds more out of pity and relief than awe and amazement. Is it so hard for the best guys to be in the contest? They're already there anyway, sitting courtside with their little video cameras taking in the moment. Why not just suit up and put on a real show? As soon as they get rid of that infinite re-do rule and make all the best stars participate, and the Slam Dunk will be great again.

Hopefully the All-Star game tomorrow is more entertaining. Dodger ace Brad Penny is getting the start for the NL. Let's hope he makes Dodger fans everywhere proud. Remember, this time, it counts!