Thank God for the crappiness of the Washington Nationals. The Dodgers' 8 game losing streak came to a quick end this weened when they swept a 3 game series with the Nats. Everything is suddenly looking a little brighter for the Dodgers. J.D. Drew seems to have his power back, Danys Baez is out of LA, and we have a little momentum. Of course this brief course of winning has made Ned Colletti somehow think that we're still in this thing. Let's hope he doesn't trade away the whole farm to get an over-the-hill guy like Greg Maddux. And oh yeah, Nomar's hurt again. Big surprise. Now the Reds come to town, and the Dodgers have a chance to gain some ground in the Wild-Card. Bronson Arroyo will go in the first game for the Cincinnati, with a 20% chance he shows up sober enough to pitch.

1-12
Post break record.
Shittiness unfathomable.
I cannot stand.

Hope you hated that haiku as much as it pained me to write it. The Dodgers are absolutely and unforgivably terrible. A couple days ago when I joked that the Dodgers realized they were the Dodgers, so they stopped winning, ... that was only supposed to go so far. The Dodgers realizing they were the Dodgers should have just pushed them back to mediocrity. Instead, it pushed them 100 miles past the break even point and into the zone of shit, which, until recently was only occupied by the likes of Pittsburgh and Kansas City. What an embarrassment.

So any good news? Actually, yes. The Dodgers FINALLY traded Odalis Perez today. This move has been long overdue. They gave up Perez, two minor leaguers and cash to the Royals for Elmer Dessens, who is now on his second tour with the Dodgers. Yay for Elmer. He can come back and be the average reliever he was before, which should be a boost to the awful pitching staff. The team however, will continue to suck. Just a hunch.

It's way too damn hot in LA right now. Yesterday the high was 108. It should never be 108. This isn't Palm Springs. 108 is ridiculous. I feel sorry for all you folks without air conditioning. I would be wilting away and passing out right about now without it. For those of you with it, just wait till those rolling blackouts hit again. That'll be fun. On to the pitiful Dodgers:

Well, what is there to say at this point? The Dodgers lost again today, completing the St. Louis sweep. That's the second time they've been swept by the Cards since the All-Star break. The Dodgers have lost 10 of their last 11 and now sit tied for last place in the NL West with the Colorado Rockies, 4.5 back of the Padres. As the offense exploded today for one run on five hits, the Dodgers saw their playoff hopes slip even farther away.

This looks like the end for the Dodgers, who stayed afloat as long as they could, until they realized they were the Dodgers. Then they went back down the crapper. It feels eerily like last season at this point, with the team stinking it up and J.D. Drew hurt again. I should be bashing the team for its incompetence and inability to stay above .500 in the poorest division in baseball. But then again I should also be jumping in an ice bath to cool my nuts.

Thank goodness the Dodgers finally got a win tonight, their first since the All-Star break. Chad Billingsley threw 7 shutout innings to notch his first Major League victory. It only took seven starts, but hey, at least it's out of the way now. Is it just me, or is Kenny Lofton a shitty center fielder these days? He badly botched a fly ball yesterday and there were a couple today I thought he could have gotten to or at least laid out for, only his old creaky body wouldn't let him do it. I say give him more rest now and keep him fresh for August and September, when we'll need his bat. Maybe he can re-discover how to play center like he did in his youth.

Now with some injury report: Jeff Kent went back on the DL and they brought Willy Aybar back up to fill his spot. Brett Tomko's getting ready to come off the DL and when he does, he'll move to the bullpen in a Gagne-esque starter-to-reliever move. Gagne sucked balls before he made the switch, but after, he became all-world. Tomko sucks balls now, but after he comes back as a reliever? Who knows, maybe he'll suck less balls. We can only hope. Cesar Izturis isn't injured, but left the team for the birth of his daughter.

Has anyone else noticed the fact the J.D. Drew hasn't homered in over a month? It's getting ridiculous now. He's been sitting on 9 homers since the 1st of June! Over 110 at-bats! What's happened to this guy? Is he afraid to swing hard in fear he'll rip an oblique like his teammates? Get some power back in that bat, asshole.

And one more thing. I heard a rumor that Ned Colletti is going after Aaron Boone. If you make that deal, sir, you are the biggest idiot in the history of baseball. No trade would be worse, ever. No matter who we gave up. I wouldn't even take Aaron Boone for free. Why not go after someone who hits higher than .240?

Ok, it's official. I'm never going back to norcal again. In the four days I was gone, the Dodgers got swept by the St. Louis Cardinals in a four game series. In a series that saw Nomar go 1 for 13 (.077), Odalis Perez posted a 19.29 ERA, and Albert Pujols went 9 for 18 (.500) with 2 homers, 4 doubles, and 6 RBI as the Dodgers' offense exploded for 6 runs in 4 games. Now, we've been bitch-slapped right back to the .500 mark at 46-46, dead even with the wretched Giants and trailing the Padres by 2.5. Not too long ago, when the Padres' lead seemed to always hold steady, I wondered to myself, "How do the Padres win?" Now I know the answer. They don't. The Dodgers just always lose.

The Baseball Tonight guys think that the Dodgers will still win this division. The Baseball Tonight guys are on crack. The Dodgers are buried too deep in mediocrity to be a division winner. The pitching is horribly inconsistent, so it makes it hard to win when the offense doesn't put up early runs, putting us in early holes. We always seem to sweep the terrible teams, i.e. Pirates, D-Backs, but always seem to get swept by the good teams, i.e. Mets, Cards, and break even with the mediocre teams, i.e. Padres, Giants. These are not the characteristics of a division champ. While there's still a slight brim of hope, this is definately not the way any of us wanted to start out the second half. Oh yeah, the Cardinals get to come back to town next weekend. Their fans are probably happy they'll be able to pad their division lead.

The Dodgers lose in 14 innings when Odalis Perez gives up the walk-off home run to Albert Pujols. I'm not even in Los Angeles right now; I'm in the Bay Area, but I can't not say anything about this atrocity.

Odalis Perez is the worst pitcher in baseball. 29 teams would have designated his ass for assignment by now, even with his $24 million contract. It's about cutting losses. We've already paid the money. It's gone, whether we have him or not. The question is: Are the Dodgers a better team with or without Odalis Perez? The answer, is obviously, they are MUCH better without him. Ned Colletti, you've gotta get him out! It is ridiculous how terrible he has become. Albert Pujols is now 10 for 15 against him with 5 homers. The 83 year old guy in the minors could get a hit off him. GET HIM OUT! Asshole.

I guess Ryan Howard won the Home-Run Derby today. Does anybody care anymore? The state of this event has waned constantly over the years, to the point now where it's just something where the Baseball Tonight Crew can get together and make lame jokes. If Joe Morgan botches "Big Papi" one more time, I'm gonna blow an artery. What happened to the good old days when the Derby meant something? When guys like Hammerin' Hank and the other top home run hitters of the time actually participated. The problem with pre-AllStar gimmicks like this these days isn't poor marketing or any fault of the league. It's that none of the best stars ever want to get off their asses and participate. Guys in the Derby should be the perennial 40-homer guys whose big, hulking, I-could-hit-the-blimp-with-any-swing, I'm-either-on-the-juice-or-eat-5-lbs.-of-steak-every-day, bodies make opposing pitchers piss themselves.

Miguel Cabrera? David Wright? Miguel Tejada? All great players, but not a single one of them gives off the "Of course I can hit home runs! Look at me, I'm fucking huge!" vibe. Chances are none of them will hit 40 homers this year either. My picks for a truly credible and entertaining Home Run Derby are:
American League: Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Jim Thome, Alex Rodriguez
National League: Albert Pujols, Adam Dunn, Ryan Howard, Andruw Jones
These guys are the creme of the crop. The best mashers in the game today. Jones is the only guy who doesn't fit the bill of being a perennial 40 homer guy, but he hit 50 last year, and is on pace for 39 this year. So with the dearth of other NL bombers, he gets that last spot. One problem with this list is that only All-Stars are eligible for the Home-Run Derby, so Dunn would have to raise his average above .150 and maybe he'd have a shot. But this would be by far the most enthralling group to ever hit in the Derby. Too bad most of them decline to participate.

The same thing is wrong with the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. How great would it be to actually have the best high flyers in the league all participate? A Slam Dunk Contest featuring LeBron, Kobe, Vince, and J-Rich would absolutely restore all credibility to this defunct event. Instead, we get Birdman and Nate Robinson failing 84 times before they make their dunks, at which point the audience applauds more out of pity and relief than awe and amazement. Is it so hard for the best guys to be in the contest? They're already there anyway, sitting courtside with their little video cameras taking in the moment. Why not just suit up and put on a real show? As soon as they get rid of that infinite re-do rule and make all the best stars participate, and the Slam Dunk will be great again.

Hopefully the All-Star game tomorrow is more entertaining. Dodger ace Brad Penny is getting the start for the NL. Let's hope he makes Dodger fans everywhere proud. Remember, this time, it counts!

Well, none of us should be surprised by now, but Eric Gagne's done for the season. Again. He will undergo back surgery to repair a herniated disk in his spine, as we all watch him eat up the amount remaining on the $19 million we gave him two years ago. This is a huge bummer. We had all thought it was just the phantom nerve pain in his elbow that was bothering him (which is impossibly strange since he already had the nerve in his elbow REMOVED), but now we learn he just wakes up one day out of the blue with back pain. And Voila! He has a herniated disk. How does this happen? If he just slept on it wrong, we need to find the guy who sold Gagne his mattress and beat his ass up. Larry, watch your back. You won't be giving out any FREEEEEEEE Spring Airs once I'm done with you.

So now it's official. The weight of the entire bullpen falls upon the shoulders of Broxton, Beimel, Baez, Cararra, and Saito. Not the group we imagined at the beginning of the season, but they'll have to do. So far, other than Saito, they've had about as much consistency as a five month old gallon of milk. Hopefully now they can get the "We just have to hold the fort until Gagne's back" thought out of their heads and start becoming the real forces they can be at the end of games.

And thank God Nomar made the final vote for the All-Star team. The NL is packed now with 4 first basemen on the roster, but I'm sure they can stick Lance Berkman in the outfield somewhere and let Nomar, who ironically might be the best defensive first baseman out of the 4, get some playing time after Pujols exits. As for the AL vote, well, AJ Pierzynski got in over guys like Travis Hafner and Fransisco Liriano. Are AL fans idiots? Were they really fooled by the White Sox marketing team's "Punch AJ" campaign? Please. He's having a great year, but there's no freaking way in hell he should make it over Hafner, Lirano or Justin Verlander. Let's just hope Mark Redman eats a bad burrito and can't pitch, so one of these guys can take his place.

Speaking of Nomar and Gagne, it's not too early to think what we're going to do with these guys in the offseason. If Nomar continues this pace, he'll end the season hitting around .360 with over 20 homers and 100 RBI's. To keep him we'd have to break the bank and give him a $10 million per year deal. And Gagne? Is there anyone in all of baseball who doesn't think this guy is done? His body has become less durable than past Dodger infirmary residents Kevin Brown and Darren Dreifort. Injuries both led to the ends of their careers. It's hard to think Gagne's situation is any different at this point. Resigning him just wouldn't be smart. With what we're gonna have to pay Nomar, payroll will be pushed to way over the $100 million mark that Frank McCourt wants it to be. Of course, after we let him go there's a chance Gagne's gonna heal up, sign with someone else, and shove it up the Dodgers' asses for the next three years but I'll take that chance. Eric, we all love you. You were the greatest reliever in the history of baseball for a few years, but we won't be able to keep you unless you accept a gigantic pay cut.

Oh, and one final note: Damn all you people who rushed out to see Pirates of the Carribean on the first day and bought up all the tickets. Damn You! No one says SOLD OUT to Steve! NO ONE! Assholes.

Congratulations Jordan Farmar. You were right. I was wrong. You got drafted into a great situation with the Lakers, playing again in your hometown. Hopefully you can take over the starting job from the deplorable Smush Parker, which shouldn't be that tough to do. As much as I wanted you to stay for your junior year, it's good to see you getting paid by the Lakers. Well done, lad.

I always enjoy it when former Bruins get paid. A couple seasons ago, Dan Gadzuric changed the pronunciation of his name, which led to a 6-year $36 million dollar contract. Is he worth that much? Absolutely not, but it's good to see him getting paid. Same with Earl Watson when he signed a 5-year $29 million dollar deal. If Jason Kapono getting paid to warm the bench in Miami, B-Diddy 450 lbs. overweight, and Dijon Thompson ripping up the NBDL are any indication of the future Jordan Farmar can expect, well, you've gotta be excited about that. Oh yeah, Ryan Hollins also got drafted.

Free agency is also heating up, with Vlade Radmanovic leaving the Clips for the Lakes. Way to go Vlade. Now you'll get to watch Kobe shoot all night long. What was wrong with your situation with the Clippers? They practically revived your career. You shouldn't have left. For the Clippers, this all became moot when they inked Tim Thomas, who is, in my eyes, superior to Radmanovic in almost every way. The only risk with Thomas is if you get the guy who Scott Skiles told to "go home" in Chicago instead of the guy in Phoenix who buried the Lakers in the playoffs. Let's hope he can keep his effort at a high level. Thank God D-Sterl shelled out the dough to Sam Cassell too. Now, we just have to re-ink Dunleavy and sign Kaman to an extension. Since when does Sterl become the cash flow king of the NBA? I don't know if I can count on this trend to continue. The money will stop leaving his wallet at some point. Lets just hope it happens after he resigns his coach and his ogre.

Two big names also left their respective teams. Peja left Indy for the Hornets and Big Ben left Detroit for Chicago. These are good signings for both teams. Peja still has a year or two of "above average but underachieving not quite all-star caliber" years left in him, and should compliment Chris Paul and David West nicely. Once Birdman comes off his drug suspension next offseason, watch out for the Hornets ya'll! As for Ben Wallace, some would question his leaving Detroit, but you have to think about his situation. Would you want to live in Detroit? Me neither. The Pistons at this point are at their peak. Without Big Ben, they are no longer championship caliber and are on the way down as their players get older. The Bulls are young and up-and-coming. They can only get better from here, and Wallace makes them a force in the East.

The Dodgers won today btw, in a weird game where Nomar got hit by a pitch three times and also got hit by a Jeff Kent grounder while running the bases. It hasn't been a good last couple days for Nomar, as he inexplicably got snubbed from the All-Star team. Everyone should go to mlb.com and vote him in a thousand times. There is no way Nomar should be left off the team. VOTE NOMAHHHHHH!!!

Happy Independence Day! Go America!