Dodgers Down the Toilet
Jesus Christ, I leave town for a few days and it all goes to hell. When I left LA at the beginning of the weekend, the Dodgers were just a game back of Arizona and were about to start a three game set with the snakes to maybe take back the lead. Throughout the weekend, I had no way of keeping track of what was happening. I was too busy being drunk in the streets of San Francisco. And not to mention driving for 16 hours (more on this later). I came back late Sunday night and was completely and utterly shocked to discover the Blue Crew had been swept like dust bunnies.

They now sit 4 games back with about a quarter of the season left, and I'm about ready to throw in the towel. This happens every year around this time, when the sheer length of the season drains all the energy out of you. Their pitching has been awful, and their offense painfully inefficient. So can we end the suffering already? It might be a little premature, but if they don't make a run in the next week or so, the season will have officially gone DOWN THE TOILET.

Clippers Down the Toilet
Elton Brand ruptured his Achilles tendon. He's out for at least 6 months, probably even longer. But for speculation sake, let's say he'll be out 6 months. He would then come back in February, when the team will have already played half the season.

Last year, the team struggled to make the playoffs with EB. Now, they'll have to go the entire first half without him? They've got no chance. Write this season off as already going DOWN THE TOILET.

Lakers Down the Toilet
Jermaine O'Neal has been publicly lobbying for a trade to LA lately. The talks have stalled, however, as the Lakers are unwilling to give up both Lamar Odom, and Andrew Bynum in the deal. Regardless of who they give up, Jermaine O'Neal isn't making the Lakers a title contender anyway. Kobe will eventually whine his way out of town. Mark this upcoming season DOWN THE TOILET.

Galaxy Down the Toilet
David Beckham has yet to play in a regular MLS match. Since his 16 minute toe-dip into the LA Galaxy world in a friendly against Chelsea, Becks has played exactly zero minutes. This would be fine if it were any athlete other than David Beckham. Athletes get injured. It happens. But this is David Beckham.

The recent Galaxy games in Dallas and Toronto both sold out, and it wasn't cause they wanted to see Landon Donovan. FC Dallas and Toronto FC both had to apologize to their fans for Beckham's DNP, and Dallas even went as far as to offer all fans who bought a ticket for the game a free ticket for next year's match against LA.

This week, RFK Stadium in DC has been sold out, even though it's still unclear whether Beckham will be able to play. Regardless, it is doubtful that his presence on the pitch will help the team to remedy their 3-5-5 record this season. The Galaxy are already DOWN THE TOILET.

The Drive to the Bay
When you live in LA, driving is a way of life. It's either that, or bear with the awful Metro system, which about 7 people choose to do. I've lived here forever, so I'm used to the traffic. But everyone has a breaking point. This weekend I drove to the Bay Area for my friend's birthday, and took the 101 all the way up because of a necessary stop in Santa Barbara. The trip took 8 hours each way.

Needless to say, that is more than anyone wants to spend in a car in a given day. It is by far the worst of the California drives. From here on out, I promise to only make the following drives out of LA. Anything else, and I'm flying:

SF Bay - If you take the 5, the trip takes about 6 hours, max. That's much more bearable, plus you can numb yourself into a trance by focusing on all the rows of crops rolling by.
San Diego - If you leave at the right time, a quick 2 hour romp down the 405 is all it takes and you're there. And don't forget the power plant on the way that looks like a pair of boobs. That one never gets old.
Las Vegas - The Vegas drive is undoubtedly the most fun of all the "out of LA" drives. There's a nice convenient half-way stopping point in Barstow and the entire trip takes less than 4 hours. If you come up on Vegas at night, it's even better. The excitement builds as you plow through the desert and you see Wild Bill's, then a couple other "middle-of-nowhere" hotels, and finally the City of Lights herself. Then it hits you that you're gonna have a damn good time, and nothing beats that feeling. Vegas, baby. Vegas.

So anyway, my point is I will never again take the 101 all the way up to the bay. Sorry Emi.