Quick post today (sorry, kinda busy). Here are 10 quick hits I've been thinking about:

1) Derek Lowe has been named the Opening Day starter. Assuming they go Schmidt, Penny, Wolf after that (they're skipping the 5th starter the first go through), the starters for the opening home series set up to be: Penny, Wolf, Kuo/Billingsley/Hendrickson/Tomko/Mays. Mark your calendars, fans! Wednesday, April 11th, we get to see whatever 5th starter the Dodgers pull out of the bullpen! Are you excited? I know I am.
2) The All-Star game in Vegas sucked. Kobe and LeBron hogged the ball. I know this contradicts my previous post, but it's true. In this meaningless exhibition where all the players/fans were high or hung over, Kobe and LeBron hogged the ball.
3) Jeter and A-Rod are not as close friends as they used to be. America shudders in horror.
4) On Heroes this week, someone died and someone flied (excuse the grammar, it's for symmetry). Peter Petrelli flew, which wasn't a surprise considering we only had 2 options. Simone is the one who died. What? They killed off the black girl? Really? Wow. That's surprising. Watch out, DL. You're next.
5) Phil Mickelson choked again. The A-Rod of golf? Maybe. Except Phil's won some stuff.
6) Position players reported to spring training today. The good news: Nomar has not hurt himself yet. The bad news: Fernando Tatis has not hurt himself yet.
7) The Clippers lost again tonight, this time to Phoenix. It's their fourth loss in a row and 7th in their last 8 games. What else must be done to get MDS outa there???
8) Calm down Laker fans. J-Kidd is as likely to be traded as Manny Ramirez is every winter.
9) Jack Bauer's dad is gonna get it.
10) Hopefully I will still be alive after this dreadful week.

Happy long weekend to all of America. This holiday we not only celebrate those who graced the Oval Office, but Chinese New Year as well. It's the year of the boar, btw. So to all you non-Chinese out there who will be microwaving hot pockets and pop tarts while we're feasting on crab and shark fin soup, tough luck. Chinese New Year is also the holiday of the famous red envelope (with our favorite presidents inside, no less. Except Ben). This brings up the question: How old is too old for uncles and aunts to give cash out as a gift? I say 18. Once you become an adult, there's no reason to still be receiving cash for anything that you haven't worked for. It's just a little awkward. Invest the money in a shirt or some other gift. I know it's tradition to receive red envelopes until you're married, but this is America, and we can all adapt, right?

This week's The Office was much better than the disappointing Phylis' Wedding of last week. I have to say though, I'm starting to really feel sorry for Pam. Is she not the most pityable character on TV right now? She can't express her feelings for Jim, and she just crawls back to Roy, who she doesn't even want to be with. Roy, btw, is just as awful as ever. Poor Pam. One more thing: Oscar and his gay boyfriend were such stereotypical gay art snobs. I found that kinda funny. Who knew gay people liked art and were snobby?

I've been reading a book called The Jordan Rules by Sam Smith lately. It follows the Bulls in their first of six championship seasons. It's really unbelievable how dysfunctional a team they were, yet they were able to put it together on the court and win a championship. Jordan was such an asshole to people behind the scenes. It's amazing more hasn't been said on this. I guess that's what happens when you win. People can toss the meanness to the side when you bring home six rings. That's why nobody cared or thought bad of Jordan when he made Kwame Brown cry by calling him a vagina, and thus killing his confidence and any chance he may have had of being a productive NBA player.

This arouses thoughts of Kobe Bryant, who is the most comparable player to Jordan in today's game. But Kobe is hated about 31948172849 times more than Jordan ever was. I think this is completely unfair. You have to realize, Kobe was just a kid when he came into the league. 18 years old. People called him an aloof and unsociable. Well, what do you expect him to do when most of his teammates are going to strip clubs every night that he can't even get into? When you get down to the nitty gritty of it all, people hate Kobe for three reasons:

1) They love Shaq
2) His so called "selfish" play
3) The whole rape thing

None of these are reasonable for the overwhelming disdain directed at Kobe. Kobe and Shaq won three rings together. THREE DAMN RINGS. Do you realize how many great players have won less than that? That's an amazing accomplishment. The two may have had their differences, but on the court they were great. There's no need to have to pick sides, especially these days when the feud is far in the past. And how can people call him selfish? He won three rings! Kobe was not selfish during those championship seasons. If he were, the Lakers wouldn't have been so successful. And after Shaq left, he had no choice but to shoot more. He was playing with a bunch of scrubs who didn't know how to play basketball. He had no choice but to jack it up 30 times a night. Now, as his teammates are becoming more respectable, he's starting to share the ball more and doesn't have to average 35 a night like he used to. And what do you know? The Lakers are winning. Would that all come from a selfish leader? I think not. Finally, the whole rape thing was ridiculous. Everyone knows the girl was a total slut and probably wanted every bit of what she got. They found other mens' semen on her underwear for Pete's sake! Even sluts wash their underwear every now and then. This girl was one filthy ho. The whole trial was simply an attempt to extract money from a rich NBA player, and she should be ashamed. Which brings me to today's lesson: If you're an NBA player, wear a condom at all times. Even during the day when you're just walking around.

So give Kobe a damn break. Cuz we sure gave one to MJ.

Chan Ho Park just signed a deal with the New York Mets, taking him out of the NL West and frequent competition with the Dodgers. Now I know there's no chance whatsoever of Fernando Tatis making the club. We've also signed Larry Bigbie to a minor league deal. Bigbie has had some rough years recently, and hasn't really been good since, ... well ... ever. Great. At least pitchers' and catchers' report date to spring training is just days away now. This shouldn't make me nearly as excited as I actually am.

Valentine's Day is coming up this week. I am now convinced that this holiday was created by the mafia-controlled floral and candy industries to suck money from the pockets of men all over the world. And that's ok, but someone needs to create an international "Man Day" out of fairness. Why haven't the beer and nacho industries jumped on this opportunity? It's nonsensical. If Cesar Chavez, Christopher Columbus, and trees can all have holidays, why can't there be a holiday to celebrate sitting on the couch, eating some chicken, drinking a brew, and watching the game in HD? Oh wait. There already is. It's called Sunday.

It's official. Claire Bennett is a Petrelli. I should've seen it coming, but I was shocked. Heroes ... what a crazy show.

Just when you thought the Clippers would finally push their way above .500 for good, they stink it up and fall right back down. Three straight losses to teams from the mighty Eastern conference (Toronto, New York, and Cleveland) before barely squeaking out a 1 point victory in Philly (and we all know how good Philly is) have pretty much made me lose all hope in this Clippers season. Think they'll make a run after the break? Well, some changes need to be made. Get rid of MDS, trade away Maggette already, and tell Shaun Livingston to stop being such a pipsqueak.

UCLA fell to West Virginia today. There should be a rule against West Coast teams going over to the East Coast to play afternoon games. I mean, the Bruins' biological clocks were on 10 AM Pacific and must have been drained after the emotional win over USC a couple days ago. The scheduling guy really fucked this one up. Next year, if we go East of the Mississippi, make sure it's a night game. Now the ESPN guys will talk about the holes the Bruins have and say they have no chance against teams like Florida and UNC. It will be the first time they've mentioned UCLA since we last lost, and they will bash the Pac-10 even though we have more teams in the top 25 than any other conference. Sometimes, I hate ESPN.

We are now less than 51 hours away from the Superbowl (depending on when you're reading this), and I have yet to meet a single person that believes the Bears have a chance to win. Not a single one. And that might spell doom for Indianapolis. It's never a good sign when one team is favored so heavily, even though Vegas might not agree (Colts are favored by only a touchdown).

A similar thing happened a couple years ago when the Patriots won their first title. Going up against a seemingly invincible Rams team which featured Kurt Warner, Marshall Faulk, Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, and my favorite white reciever of all time: Ricky Proehl. The Pats were 17 point underdogs, but narrowly edged out the Greatest Show on Turf. How did they do it? The answer is simple: Tom Brady became Tom Brady, Ty Law laid down the law, and the rest of the team played like they had something to prove. Well, prove it they did. The Patriots went on to become the NFL's latest dynasty and the Rams were left in shambles. Kurt Warner went from potential Hall-of-fame quarterback to a fat-thumbed fumbler who lost his job to Eli Manning. Will the same thing happen to Peyton if the Colts lose on Sunday? Could Sexy Rexy become the next Tom Brady? Probaby not. But nobody is picking the Bears, and that makes them a very dangerous team.

On to Dodger news: I said I would have a comment if the Dodgers actually signed Rudy Seanez. Well, they did, but only to a minor league contract. I am praying to Jesus nightly that he doesn't make the club. Can you possibly imagine our middle relief next year? Let's say our starting pitcher has to leave in the 6th. Who can Grady call on? Well lets see: Mark Hendrickson, Elmer Dessens, Brett Tomko, Rudy Seanez ... Shit, why not just take a dude out of the right field pavillion? We'd better hope our starters can go at least 7 every night.

The Dodgers also gave a minor league contract to Fernando Tatis. Oh, Fernando Tatis. Dodger fans remember him most for being the first major leaguer ever to hit two grand slams in the same inning-both off of Chan Ho Park. I can see Ned's rationale here. Now that Chan Ho, the king of the home run groove pitch, is back in the NL West with San Diego, we can call up Tatis from AAA whenever the Padres are in town. The Korean will be wetting his pants before he knows what happened. Then, when he actually figures out what happened, he'll realize that he just served up another home run ball. Oh, btw, Tatis has an OPS of 1.850 against Chan Ho Park.

Monday Night Madness: Last week's 24 was, I hate to say it, subpar. Nothing really happened. Jack Bauer kills? Zero. Chloe frowns? Zero. What a disappointment. However, this does not mean I'm losing faith in the show. That wouldn't be a good idea. Lose faith in Jack Bauer, and he'll put two bullets in your spine. I'm just saying that for once, Heroes put up a better showing. I'm absolutely loving Heroes at the moment.