Doom for June Gloom
The latest rash of unbearable heat to hit Southern California has reduced me to a lethargic blob, unable to leave the house for even the most menial of tasks. What results from this is I have an inordinate amount of time to sit on my ass and watch the cable TV channels play the same movies over and over again. I must've seen Troy about 15789 times in the last couple weeks. One movie I took the time to watch the other night was Doom, starring The Rock (not yet going by the Dwayne Johnson moniker), and Karl Urban. Doom, of course, is based upon the revolutionary video game where a guy on Mars shoots up a bunch of hellish demons. The movie was universally lambasted by critics upon release. So much so that to this day I don't know a single person who's seen it. Well I saw it...

... and kinda liked it.

Our opinions on things in life are so heavily dependent on our expectations going in, of which I had none for this movie. And for what it is - a mindless, thrilling, blow-up-monsters action movie - it gets the job done.

Doom follows the same basic formula first set up by Aliens and copied by, among others, fellow video game movie Resident Evil:

1. Group doing research in remote location loses contact with civilization.
2. Soldiers with enormous guns sent in to decipher problem.
3. Soldiers attacked by mutated monsters.
4. Mutated monsters discovered to be spawned from said research group.
5. Climax at final battle between protagonist and ultimate mutated baddie.

Granted, Doom is no Aliens (the undisputed masterpiece of the genre), but it isn't unwatchably bad. It's a perfectly fine way to kill an hour and a half, which is easy for me to say since I didn't drop $10 on a ticket for this thing. I see no reason for it to be ridiculed to the level it has been. It's just a dumb sci-fi action movie. For anyone to expect anything more out of it is completely ridiculous.

*SPOILER ALERT*
One thing about the movie I found a little disappointing happened about halfway through when I realized The Rock isn't really the star of the movie. Karl Urban is. I have nothing against Karl Urban. I think he's good and should be a bigger star than he actually is. I'm just a little sad the Rock turns out to be the bad guy when he's the only real big name draw to the film. If you haven't seen Get Smart, the same thing happens. The Rock turns out to be the bad guy.

When he first left the WWF, the Rock was supposed to become the next great action star. When will the huge-summer-Arnold-Stallone-super-blockbuster-action-movie starring the Rock as the protagonist happen? I'm sorry, the Rundown just didn't really cut it. Is the Rock's star, once rso promising, now lying stagnant on the B-list level? Say it ain't so.
*END SPOILER ALERT*

I will now go back to watching all the movies I can until this blasted heat eases up. By next week I'll have seen tons of movies I otherwise had no desire to spend time on, all formatted to fit this screen, edited for content, and to run in the allotted time, of course.

Wow, it's been a while!
So a lot has happened in the 8 months since my last post. I'm writing this in the wee hours of the morning as I fail miserably in my attempt to sleep before my graduation ceremony. That's right, I'm getting a college degree. The insomnia I am currently experiencing does not bode well for my state of wellness in tomorrow's all-important event (never drink Starbucks after 8pm). I should be able to make up my sleep during the ceremony tomorrow, as the speeches promise to be impossibly long and unbearably boring. The excitement is almost overwhelming.

Why haven't I written in 8 months? A lot of reasons, really. My tenure at the NFL network ended uneventfully, and I lost most interest in football for the rest of the year. The world will have to forever go without my take on Spygate, Pac-man, and Ced Benson's drinking binges. What a shame. After football season, I just lost interest in most things sports. The Dodgers were terrible, and still are. And the Lakers, while having gone on an amazing run, just didn't inspire any post-worthy thoughts from me. Maybe the new Sasha Vuajcic headband I've been wearing is on too tight. There just weren't enough LA sports happenings to gush over. And I had to concentrate on, you know ... graduating.

I have remedied this problem by changing the direction of this blog. I have renamed it and changed the template, and will also change the contents from now on. This will no longer be a strict sports blog. From now on I will be talking about anything I damn well please, which is really how it should have begun in the first place. I hope to now share "information for life", and also to increase my readership to double digits.

Much of the inspiration of this revival is due to the fancy new red Dell M1330 that I am now the proud owner of. Why red? Call it a result of ordering a computer just days after seeing Iron Man. I don't regret it, however. This thing looks pretty damn cool in red. So here's to a second life for this blog and future postings that don't bore non-sports fans into clicking over to the Superficial.

Week 5 Results
I officially went 5-9 in week 5, pulling my season mark down to 33-36-7. Which means I'm back under .500. Fuck.

Week 6 Picks
Alright, time to bear down and pick some winners:

Arizona (-4) over Carolina
St. Louis (+9.5) over Baltimore
Chicago (-5) over Minnesota
Cincinnati (-3) over Kansas City
Cleveland (-4.5) over Miami
Washington (+3) over Green Bay
Houston (+6.5) over Jacksonville
New England (-5.5) over Dallas
NY Jets (+3) over Philadelphia
Oakland (+9.5) over San Diego
Seattle (-6.5) over New Orleans
Tennessee (+3) over Tampa Bay
NY Giants (-3.5) over Atlanta

A Monumental Collapse
On Saturday UCLA managed to do something no other team in the country could manage up to that point: lose to Notre Dame. This is not the Notre Dame of Rudy times. This is not the Notre Dame of even Brady Quinn times. This is the Notre Dame of 0-5 times. The Notre Dame that had only scored 6 touchdowns through their first 5 games. The worst Notre Dame team in history. And the Bruins got humiliated.

Granted, UCLA was without starting RB Chris Markey, backup QB Pat Cowan, and after the first quarter, starting QB Ben Olsen. This meant freshman walk on McLeod Bethel-Thompson quarterbacked most of the game. That's right. The Bruin with the longest name since Karim Abdul-Jabar was our quarterback, and he was about as bad as you'd expect a freshman walk on to be.

You could see his inexperience in his play. He telegraphed every hand off. He never looked off a safety. He turned the ball over. A lot. Whenever he took off his helmet you could see the deer in the headlights. He failed to "manage the game", as football talking heads like to say. The only thing he successfully "managed" to do was duplicate the Derek Lowe face, a feat also recently accomplished by John Lackey in Game 1 of the ALDS against Boston.

So now the Bruins stand at 4-2, the two losses being humiliating upsets by Utah and Notre Dame. They should easily be 6-0 and among the top 10 teams in the country. They destroyed Stanford, who just upset USC. So why do they completely lose themselves against inferior opponents? Is it the QB situation? Is it Jay Norvell's play calling? Is it Karl Dorrell? The answer must be a combination of those things.

Inconsistency has always plagued Bruin football, and this year seems to be no different. Instead of hopes of a BCS bowl berth, UCLA fans will have to look forward to the papajohns.com bowl or the Gaylord Hotels Music City bowl (actual bowls, I'm not making these up). Another promising football season has already gone down the drain. At least there's only one more month til basketball season starts!

Another Monumental Collapse (Kinda)
If you can remember, I picked the Browns to cover against the Pats, who were giving 16.5 points. It was one of my close calls of last week (scroll down). Well, all was looking good. In the 4th quarter with less than 2 min to play, the Browns had the ball and were only down 10.

But then tragedy struck. Derek Anderson completed a pass to Kellen Winslow, who had the ball stripped from him by Randall Gay. Gay then recovered and ran it in for the touchdown. New England by 17.

That score held up, and the Patriots covered by half a point. You cannot imagine how frustrated I was seeing this all go down. Part of me felt secure that all Cleveland had to do was hold on to the football and they'd cover. The other part just knew something terrible was about to happen. They are the Browns, after all.

Nevertheless, this result proved three things:
1) Never trust the Browns' offense to make a play.
2) New England is not invincible against the spread.
3) Gambling on football makes games infinitely more interesting (if gambling were legal, that is).

The third point is especially important. I'm not even putting any money on my picks, but playing against the spread makes watching football on Sundays much more fun. The CLE/NE game had long been decided, but I was still engrossed in the game. That never would have been the case otherwise.

The other close pick was San Diego over Denver, which didn't turn out to be close at all. I'll post my official record for the week after MNF. So far, it ain't lookin' so good.

Week 4 Results
I gained some respectability back this past week, going 9-5 with my picks. That pushes my season record to 28-27-7. I'm back over .500, which is good since I was seriously considering just blowing this whole thing up if I had another bad week.

The underdogs have been ridiculous this year, beating up on favored teams like San Diego and Chicago. It's been throwing me off. There's a fat chance I'll be taking the points on either of those teams for the rest of the season. New England and Indianapolis are a different story. It always feels safe to take the over with those teams. If they don't end up in the AFC championship game, I'll be shocked.

Week 5 Picks
Yeah, I know it's only Wednesday and I shouldn't be making my picks this early, but I've got a busy rest of the week and I don't know if I'll have time to do this later. So here goes. Let's hope nobody important gets hurt between now and Sunday.

Arizona (-3.5) over St. Louis
Baltimore (-3.5) over San Francisco
San Diego (+1.5) over Denver
Green Bay (-3) over Chicago
Houston (-5.5) over Miami
Indianapolis (-10) over Tampa Bay
Jacksonville (-2) over Kansas City
Cleveland (+16.5) over New England
New Orleans (-3) over Carolina
NY Jets (+3.5) over NY Giants
Seattle (+5.5) over Pittsburgh
Atlanta (+8.5) over Tennessee
Washington (-3.5) over Detroit
Dallas (-10) over Buffalo

Couple close ones here:

Yes, I'm taking Cleveland to cover over the Patriots. The Browns looked real good last week in thumping the Ravens, and the Pats can't possibly throttle every single team in the league for the rest of the season, can they? Pats still win, but I say the margin will be in the 10 to 15 range.

San Diego has been awful this season, so I really shouldn't be taking them over Denver. Except I just don't think the Broncos are that good. The Chargers can't go 1-4, can they? If that's what ends up happening, their fans will have the noose ready for Norv Turner.

The Dream Situation
Now that the Dodgers will be taking October off, we now turn towards next season. Because of the promising youth, next season already has a good foundation. Ned Colletti, however, has not been putting good veteran talent around that youth that can help the Dodgers succeed. Last year's additions were all over-the-hill veterans who were either always hurt or unproductive (i.e. Jason Schmidt and Luis Gonzalez).

Wouldn't it be nice for once for the Dodgers to sign a player who didn't have more question marks than career homers? The Dodgers haven't landed a marquee free agent since Kevin Brown, and we all know how that turned out. To get to that next level we need to sign an A-Rod or trade for a Miguel Cabrera. Signing more aging veteran stop-gaps will only keep the team afloat until the stretch run, when they will inevitably fade just like this year.

So if I ever come across Shaq any time soon, I'll ask him to turn into Kazaam and give him these three wishes for the Dodgers' offseason:

1) Fire Grady Little - This whole Jeff Kent debacle has taught us all two things: a) Jeff Kent is really old. And b) Nobody on the team listens to Grady Little anymore. Whenever you have a team with as clear cut of an age divide as the Dodgers, you need to have a manager who can motivate the youngsters enough to perform for their older teammates. Grady Little is not the man to do that. His quiet drabble couldn't motivate Travis Henry to jump into a bed full of naked women. Of course, it helps to have veterans who aren't total assholes like Jeff Kent, but it's already too late for that seeing as how the Dodgers have picked up his $9 million option for next year.

2) Sign A-Rod or trade for Miguel Cabrera - Last offseason's biggest need was a power hitter that could strike fear into opposing pitchers. This offseason, that need still stands. I know getting A-Rod will cost the Dodgers a shitload of money ($30 mil a year?) but the Dodgers make plenty of it. They're going to again draw 4 million fans this season, so you know they could afford him. What remains to be seen is whether McCourt's cheap ass will pony up the dough and whether Ned Colletti will ever swallow his puke and work with Scott Boras again.

Cabrera would be just as great as A-Rod. He's got one year left on his contract with the Marlins, with who there is a -70% chance he will resign with. The fish will want to do what they always do: trade him and restock their farm system with blue chip talent. Enter the Dodgers. They can offer Cabrera the big money he wants, plus he's way younger than A-Rod. The way I see it, there are 4 Dodger kids who are untouchable: Russell Martin, James Loney, Matt Kemp, and Chad Billingsley. Everyone else can be used as trade bait. It'll be extremely difficult to nab Cabrera without giving up any of those guys, but some combination of Andre Ethier, Jonathan Broxton, and the pu-pu platter deluxe will have to do.

3) Pick up a decent middle-of-the-rotation starter who wont get hurt - Last year Jason Schmidt and Randy Wolf were signed to help bolster the rotation. Both were done by the All-Star Break. Three spots in next year's rotation seem to be in good shape with Brad Penny, Derek Lowe, and Chad Billingsley, but the last two spots are wide open. There's no way I feel safe trusting Esteban Loaiza anymore, and Schmidt can't be relied on to stay healthy. Neither can Wolf, with whom the team has an option that they are unlikely to pick up. Can't they nab Greg Maddux back from the Padres for another 1-year deal? But knowing Ned Colletti, he'll just end up resigning Brett Tomko.

Week 3 Picks
After a terrible showing last week, I must rebound or face digging a hole that could possibly cause me to lose money. That is, if I had bet on the games. Which I didn't, because gambling is illegal. So here ya go:

Baltimore (-4) over Cleveland
Tampa Bay (+3) over Carolina
Chicago (-3) over Detroit
Dallas (-13) over St. Louis
Green Bay (-1.5) over Minnesota
Houston (-3) over Atlanta
Indianapolis (-9.5) over Denver
Oakland (+4) over Miami
Buffalo (+3.5) over NY Jets
Philadelphia (-3) over NY Giants
Pittsburgh (-6) over Arizona
Kansas City (+11.5) over San Diego
Seattle (-2) over San Francisco
New England (-7) over Cincinnati

Week 3 Results
The third week of the season turned out terribly for me. I went 4-8-4 with my picks, pushing my season record to 19-22-7. To make matters worse, I took my first loss in fantasy. Next week can't be any worse.